November is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month.
As is commonly reported, men experience disproportionately high rates of suicide, with death by suicide being the biggest killer of men under the age of 50 in the UK. For that reason, Phil Cookson our 44-year-old male Director wanted to share his experience of his own mental health and some of the coping mechanisms he has used…read his story below…
Just over 5 years ago, I lost my wife Kate to cancer. It came as a massive shock, as for several months we were told that she would beat it, only 2 days before she died were we told that she wasn’t going to survive. My grief was amplified by shock akin to losing someone to a sudden accident. Less than 5 months later I lost my mum to cancer, two hammer blows in a short space of time.
Over the last 5 years my mental health has gone through ups and downs. I liken it to being in a small boat on the ocean – occasionally the waves came close to overwhelming my boat, so I understand how close I’ve been at times, but over time I’ve learnt to find calmer waters with my boat and there are a number of coping mechanisms I’ve found useful but here are my top 4 –
Talk about it – I’ve been very vocal about my mental health, both online and in person, the common greeting of “how are you” often led to me saying “not very well / struggling”, and you’d be surprised how often that then leads to a really healthy and honest conversation from both parties.
Let out the emotion – I’ve always tried to not bottle up my emotions, ranging from crying in the car on the way to work through to shouting and screaming in anger when in the middle of nowhere on a dog walk. Letting my emotions surface rather than being repressed.
Listen to my body and mind – If I feel like exercising, I’ll do it, but if I feel like takeaway I’ll go with that, or curling up on the sofa with a book – I’ll listen to what my body and mind is telling me it needs. I don’t beat myself up for the choices I make.
Say yes to everything – I decided early I didn’t want to become a hermit, it would have been very easy to do so. Saying yes to everything is as simple as it sounds, if I get asked to do something either professionally or personally, I say yes and its led to some great times, but I stay or get involved until I feel otherwise, see listen to my body or mind above – if I want to go home after 2 drinks I go home.
I also want to signpost for some resources for anyone that is struggling.
Andy’s Man Club https://andysmanclub.co.uk/
Mind https://www.mind.org.uk/need-urgent-help/using-this-tool/
Shout https://giveusashout.org/get-help/resources/mens-mental-health/
Calm https://www.thecalmzone.net/get-support
And if any man wants to talk, my DMs are always open.